Plans Change

Wouldn't it be something if our plans and God's plans always lined up? Wouldn't it be nice if we were always patient and allowed God to reveal His plans to us in His timing? I've been finding this very hard the past few weeks/months. I want to know where 2013 is leading us and how it is going to end up. I have my ideas of what I want to happen, but I'm struggling with being patient and allowing God to do His thing.

The adoption process has been so much more emotional than I ever thought it would be. I thought it was just about signing a few papers, waiting to be matched with a child, and then preparing to bring that child home. But since we've begun the process, I've realized that it is MUCH more than that. It is a process of waiting, hoping, and praying. I didn't realize how much I would begin to care for a child that I have never met and who is not my own. I want so badly to meet this child and see his or her face that I sometimes lie awake at night and worry for them. I know that God has this situation under control and that He will protect that child more than I ever could, but I still want to be in control of the situation.

God has taught me a lot about control over the past few years. I've learned...I have none. He is in complete control of my life and if I would just turn the wheel over to Him, I would end up at the right destination. Looking back, this is not where I thought I would be in life. Four years ago, I thought we would begin to have the family that Jim and I had always planned for. We wanted to have children, but adopting wasn't really even on our radar. We went through a very difficult time when we lost our daughter Abby. However, it was during this time that God allowed my heart to be more open to adoption. I knew that if we couldn't have our own children then we would adopt (but at that time it probably would have been an infant from the U.S.). Then God allowed us to have our beautiful and precious daughter, Jade. After she was born, we began thinking about when we might want to try for another child. My idea was to wait until Jade was about a year old. Well, God had other plans. When Jade was about 3 months old, I began feeling that adoption was the next step. Then we felt Him pulling us toward international adoption. Wait a minute Lord!?? Are you sure? That was my initial reaction. Why is it that we always have to question Him?

Everyday I wonder if I'm cut out for this. I wonder if I'll be able to care for a child that has been through more than I will ever know.  I doubt myself and my abilities everyday. But then I hear a little voice that tells me "I've got this. You can do this with Me," and I know that God is in control and that He will help me through this even if I make mistakes (which I will).

I really don't know where I was going with this post, but I just needed to get a few thoughts out of my head. I'm sorry if this has left any of you confused, but just know that God wants to be in control of your life and if you would let Him, He has amazing plans for you that you can only dream of.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, declares the Lord" 

Isaiah 55:8

Paperwork...

For anyone who has gone through the adoption process, you understand all of the paperwork that comes along with it. I thought we had a lot of paperwork to do just for applying for our home study and adoption agency. Well, now our home study is finished and approved and we are officially under contract with our adoption agency. The next step is compiling all the paperwork needed for our dossier. We need certified birth certificates, wedding certificate, notarized letters from our employers and doctors, a notarized letter from the sheriff's office, passports, etc...and a few other items. After we collect all of the required documents, we have to take them to the capital and have every item state certified. Then, and only then, will our dossier be complete and legal. Oh, and did I mention that we have to scrutinize every notary's signature to make sure it's signed correctly and that their commission doesn't expire before June 2014 (in case our adoption is held up). We've each had to request the doctor's office to redo their letter to make sure it's "correct". I'm sure they love us :)

And if this paperwork isn't enough, we are also beginning to look at grants (because adoptions, whether international or domestic, are expensive). Every grant issuer has their own paperwork requirements. Some of them have similar requirements, but they all seem to be slightly different. I'm trying to keep all of this stuff straight, but I'm not gonna lie, I am getting a little overcome with stress and emotions. It's during this time, that I just have to close my eyes and say, "Lord Jesus, please be with me as we go on this roller coaster ride. I need to feel Your presence and sense of peace." And I always seem to compose myself and feel Him with me. Jim and I have been through quite a ride since we've been married, but the Lord has gotten us through everyday and I will continue to follow Him where ever He leads us.

We are also in a very exciting, terrifying, ... time in our adoption journey. Any day now, we could receive a referral for a child from our adoption agency. What does that mean, you ask? That means we will be emailed 1-2 photos and a BRIEF explanation of the child (medical history, reason for abandonment, etc). We both are ready for a face and a name! Unfortunately, I think things will become even harder when we do have that face and name. We will want more than anything to have that child home with us and safe.

We'll keep you posted and hopefully soon we'll be able to let you all know about that precious child that is waiting for us!

Erin & Jim