It's amazing how many emotions a person can go through in a matter of weeks, days, hours, and sometimes even minutes. A few weeks ago, I posted that there was a small chance that we could be getting our little boy later this summer. Since that post, my hope that this will happen is pretty much zero. Two weeks ago, Jim and I were given a very difficult decision: we had to decide to file our immigration paperwork in the US and hope it would get approved or we could fly to Congo and file our paperwork in person. If we had decided to go to Africa, we would have had to quickly get a yellow fever vaccine (and a note from our doctor stating that it didn't need to be in full affect for us to enter the country) and purchase plane tickets--all in a matter of 5-6 days. If we had traveled, we may have been able to see our little man for a few days (I say may have because he is still in the orphanage several miles from the capital city-I hope our agency would have tried to get him to the capital if we had decided to travel). I would have loved to have held him and kissed his little cheeks! But leaving him would have been one of the hardest things I've ever done...and all of this would not have guaranteed being able to bring him home in a few months.
Anyway, we chose not to go through all of this and to send our paperwork overnight to the US office. I still feel like that is what was best for us. We placed it in God's hands and chose not to spend a few days in significant stress. Since this decision, we have basically heard from our agency that there is no chance of his case being investigated this month, which means we have no idea when they will go back to his region. I have been plagued with guilt the past few days, feeling as though I have failed this little boy. I feel like I should have done whatever I could to bring him home. Now he's stuck.
What makes me the most upset is the fact that it is our wonderful US government that is preventing him from coming home to us. He is legally ours in the eyes of the Congo. I understand why the US is conducting investigations, but it doesn't comfort me as this little guy's mom. I feel the best and safest place for him right now, is here with us. Not waiting 3, 6, or even 9 more months because the US can't handle the investigations with their current staff in the Congo.
So what do we do now? I know that I can't just sit here and be mad or depressed (even though I will likely go through these emotions several times a day.) I've decided I need to focus on a few things here in the States. I'm planning on training for 3 half marathons that are about 5 weeks apart: the Leading Ladies Half in Spearfish, SD and the Billings and Bismarck half marathons. Jim will be doing the Billings and Bismarck half as well. This may not bring our little guy home any sooner, but it will be a healthy outlet for our stress.
The other thing that we need to do is begin some fundraising. We have been very blessed up to this point and our adoption is almost 100% funded. However, our travel expenses are not. We will likely need at least $10,000 for travel. This includes our flight, hotel, and cash to live on for 2-3 weeks while we are there.
For fundraising I'm going to start by adding a tab off to the right side of this blog that links to Just Love Coffee. Just Love Coffee is based out of TN and roast fair trade, organic coffee. A portion of their proceeds go directly to helping those that need it. We will receive anything that is purchased from them through the link on our blog (from about $3-$19 depending on what is purchased). This is a small way for us to start fundraising for some travel expenses.
We have a few other fundraising ideas that we will begin focusing on and we will let you know what they are as we go.
We know there are a lot of you out there who are praying for us and this amazing little boy and we want to say 'thank you'. Without your support, we wouldn't be able to get through this crazy, exhausting, amazing journey.
I'm not sure when/if I will be posting a picture of our little guy on this blog (for privacy reasons), but I will share the name that we will be giving him when he gets home. We have decided on Asher, which means: 'fortunate, blessed, happy one' in Hebrew.
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